[Voice/Locked to Luceti Inhabitants]

[malnosso]

Oh ho! My, it's been some time, hasn't it?

As I'm sure you've all noticed, things have been going so smoothly. Hm, well, for you anyway. Things have been so busy here! I'd forget my hat were it not on my head. Oh, but yes, I do believe we'll have your population down to half in no time. Exceptionally good luck all around. Ah ha! If only I could take all the credit for myself.

Now then, I believe there was another order of business I had to- aha, here we are. Yes, the calculations have been run and we've determined a final list for who will be participating in the coming battle. You will all be scheduled to depart on the 25th, by your calendar. Hm, that should give you all a week to prepare. Very short notice, I do hope you can all forgive me! My, things have been so busy here. I had to replace my secretary after she too vanished.

I have the list for you here. I do believe that should be everyone. Why, with such fine and cunning fellows being sent, this 'Third Party' won't stand a chance. Best of luck to everyone! You have my eternal gratitude for volunteering yourselves such as you have.

Yes, I do believe we should all celebrate with a bit of tea once those rude fellows have been run off. Aha, but I don't suppose anyone has heard anymore from this mysterious "ANI" woman? I think we'd get along splendidly, given the chance.

Comments

[herotypical]

Right. Okay. [Deep breath.] I'll need a new bastard sword. And probably at least two new axes. None of this village-forged stuff. I'm talking twenty-first century grade weapons. Some holy water would be nice, too. You never know when you need that. A giganto cross bow and--[she clears her throat and drops her voice]--Mister Gordo. That should do. All one hundred percent vital to the cause.

[...yes, the whole rigmarole was just for the sake of sneaking in her request for a stuffed pig. The weapons are mostly moot.]

[malnosso]

Oh, I'm certain we should be able to come up with that. Ah, but I'm sure your local forgers will be disappointed at your lack of faith in their talents. I shall see to it right away.

Ah, but I am afraid I am unfamiliar with any Gordos, Mister or otherwise.

[herotypical]

Mister Gordo. He's...a pig. Kind of an important pig. But he's from home, not here. Can you lab-coats swing that?

[malnosso]

Are you certain it must be that pig? I'm afraid that's something we can't do at all.

[herotypical]

Of cour--[No. Buffy pauses. It was embarrassing enough to ask for Mister Gordo in the first place. She concedes:] I guess any old stuffed pig'll do. He can me Mister Gordo the second.

[malnosso]

Aha! A stuffed pig. [There's a moment as he clacks away at something.] Oh, certainly. In fact, I shall have it ready momentarily.

[Mr. Gordo will appear on her bed, nice and safely.] Yes, you should be able to find it in your room now.

[herotypical]

I'll check when I get in, then. [And now for the awkward pause. She doesn't want to thank the guy...but, she wants to move on from her dependence on a teddy bear.]

Thanks. [Not a grateful tone of voice.]

[malnosso]

Certainly! We shall have your weapons ready for you before the draft. Ah, but not on your bed. That might be troublesome if you are sleeping.

[herotypical]

Clearly, you've never had to balance an active night-life with an overactive weapons-based job.

[malnosso]

No, I'm afraid that falls outside of my expertise. Ah, perhaps if I was a bit younger? Or older? Maybe not, either way.