malnosso | Entries tagged with the manager

[The message is voiced, and then delivered minutes later in typed format courtesy of his secretary. Ain't she a peach?]

You blew it up, you maniacs! Ha. Sounded as good as I thought it would.

Yesterday, there was a big goddamn explosion in Region Nine. Seems the Iron Eye built quite the weapon. Enough that an entire city of cultists was wiped out of existence. Personally, I'm not shedding any tears over their loss. But the fact is, people are talking. Talking about who was involved. About the fact that a certain group of volunteers from a certain highly regarded enclosure managed to completely miss this during their investigation. Now, me, I don't like to lay blame at people. Maybe you people really are that incompetent. Hell, wouldn't be the first time you lot managed to bungle things.

Or maybe you helped blow those bastards out of existence. In which case? Have a drink on me. Seriously. I just approved two dozen kegs of high quality beer to arrive in your local pub. You're all going to need it, given how awful you must feel about yourselves. Congratulatory drink? Ha! Don't bet your life on it. Matter of fact, I'm making other arrangements. Psychotherapy for all of you. We'll put the best of the best to figure out what the hell is wrong with you people and get you back on the straight and narrow. Clearly all of you are unbalanced, going around turning into kids, blowing things up, and dealing with invasions.

Speaking of invasions - our bad. Turns out, our security wasn't as well secured as we liked. One of our own used his access codes to get in there. Count Zompano, as a matter of fact. Another thing that was bungled up. Well, we fixed it. Made the barriers harder to break than ever. If you don't believe me, go up to it and punch it as hard as you like. I'll bet you a hundred credits that if you do, your fist will bounce back into your face and break your nose. Which would be hilarious, but I don't recommend it. But if you do, bring a camera. Matter of fact, I'll give twenty mission points to the first person who gets me a picture of it. Honest to science I will.

Bad news, though. Extra security means that the defense system against natural Shifts isn't what it used to be. Fact is, it's operating at 99%. So if you happen to turn blue or freeze in place for a week, don't panic! It's perfectly normal and it will wear off. Probably. So please don't send us messages complaining to us about it. Fact is: we don't care. It just makes more work for my secretary to have to go through and delete them all. The poor woman is overworked enough.

Last order of business. Bilirubin, known to you as Sir Catherine, is a traitor to the organization and considered extremely dangerous. If any of you spot him, you give us a holler right away. We'll see to it you're properly awarded for doing so.

Hello once again. Here I am stopping in for an update. I bet if you're new here, you're thinking to yourself right now, "What is MARS? Who is this strange man speaking on the journals? How can I help him?" All fine questions. I'll take them one at a time. First of all, MARS is the Malnosso Assignment and Reward Service. We assign, you serve, we give a reward. Simple enough that a child could do it. In fact, sometimes they do. As for me, I'm no strange man. No sir, you can call me CJ. I'm the Resident Perceptions Manager of this project. Think of me as the man who's here to tell you that there isn't evil boogiemen out to get you. Just businessmen. And scientists. And we're not out to get you. Just experiment with you a bit and see what makes you tick. Completely on the up and up.

Point of fact, Luceti passed the ethical inspection this year. Another year with high marks. Sure, some of the residents brought the score down. But don't worry, we won't hold it against you. At least I won't. In fact, I'm damn proud to know you folks. Let me just step out of my announcement a moment here to personally congratulate those who were sent to handle the Depot 8 situation. That was some damn fine work you did out there. Those FTSA nutjobs got what was coming to them. Hell, a month ago, a bunch of those hippies beat my car in with baseball bats. Well, no need to worry about that. Now that we captured some of their ringleaders, it'll be an easy task putting them to rest. Again, excellent job. You all earned your rewards. Hell, I'd give you double, but it's not in the budget.

But I'll tell you what is. Every single one of you have a chance to earn forty points without stepping foot out of your enclosure. See, there's some concerns out there that some of you are a little prone to violence. Your interactions with other enclosures has some of the ethics committee concerned that those drafts are turning you all into a walking bunch of murderous monsters. My opinion? Anyone that wants to go murder a cultist is someone I'd like to buy a beer. But I digress. So here's the deal. An experiment's starting in just a few hours to change things up a bit. But you can relax, because this time around, we're not interested in warping your brains. No, we're saving that for another cycle. What we are planning is turning this village into a random hodgepodge of tacky locations for you to check out.

Now let's talk business. In these five areas, I want you to collect two particular items from each one. Hell, I'll go ahead and give them catchy names for you. In the Nile, I want a ceremonial dagger and some of the Pharaoh's treasure. In the Shogunate, I'd like to see a samurai sword and some of that water you find in a kappa's head. Over in the Ice Age, let's take a moment to pity the poor sods waking up there, I'm expecting a bone spear and a smilodon's tooth. In the Space Opera zone, get me a raygun and a part off a robot. Finally, over in Gangland, see if you can't find one of those fancy Tommy Guns and some car keys to a Studebaker. Now here's the catch, adventurers. Violence is not the answer. It's one answer, but this experiment's been programmed to make that one the most difficult of all. We want to see you put your clever minds towards collecting these items without any unnecessary destruction or killing. Make your region proud, Lucetians. The Kin'corans already passed with flying colors.

So what's your incentive here? Forty points in the MARS program. That's enough for the big rewards, kids. And if you like those, you can sign up for the real missions later on. Be a hero. Be a scientist. Be useful. That's all for now. Best of luck and try to avoid aggravating the mastodons.

((Note: CJ replies will have to come tomorrow, but there WILL be replies!))

War.

Nobody likes it. Unless you're the guy selling weapons. As a matter of fact, we have some people like that listening right now. Hell, I was one of them myself. Good business practice, that. People never want to stop killing each other. Well, gentlemen, this world is no exception. Now I'm no fighter myself, but right now I'm one of the few people with the security clearance to contact you folks. So here I am. CJ, head of the MARS division, to call out your names for the draft to come. Now let me just get this list. One second now.

[He clears his throat and starts listing off the names for the people drafted, alphabetically by first name. This will take him awhile. So bear with him. By the time he's done, his voice is raspier than usual. There's a lengthy pause after this before he continues.]

There. That's everyone. If you didn't hear your name, then lucky you. You get to stay and avoid the upcoming battle. But for the those of you who were called out, it's time to serve your organization. Save the world. Protect the innocent. Kill the bastards who tried to kill me last week. But it's not all doom and gloom, kids. Think of this as a special opportunity. Why? Because to save the world, you won't be on this world. That's right, you're going to space. Space. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's the big black thing just above the sky. Filled with planets, the moon, and the sun. It's big. Very big. And you're about to experience it yourself.

The Commandant can't be here to deliver the news, seeing as how she's preparing for the battle herself. There was talk of doing one of those automated messages, but I told them to hell with that. I prefer the personal approach. So let me give you the details. I've attached some information here you'll find useful. Be sure to read it thoroughly before you go out there. The last thing we need is for one of you nutjobs to go out an airlock without the appropriate equipment. Trust me, you don't want to do it. There's no air out there. And without air, no one can hear you screaming and gagging. Which in my opinion, is probably a good thing. Never was a fan of hearing cries for help. Downright unsettling.

Now hold on a second while I attach a few things.

[First there's a map of the moon base. Then a map of the moon. Then there's technical details for The Liberator, the Tyr-Fighters, the space suits, weapons, and anything else that would be relevant.]

There you go. More information than you could ever want, free of charge. Now you're probably asking yourself, "How the hell do a bunch of helmet-wearing savages get their asses in space?" Good question. I have no idea. A couple of days ago they were spotted carving up a bunch of mountains. Then started taking those pieces in the sky. We figured it was an aerial assault, but before we knew it, the bastards were going into space. Without the decency of proper space equipment. The Security Forces have been trying to pick them off, but that was just the first wave. Seems like the second waves gonna be a doozie. So that's where you all come in. You're the reinforcements. All of you. In every single enclosure out there. Except you guys. You know who you are.

That means you'll be fighting with our own Security Forces. You lot will be on The Liberator, captained by Specialist Davis. Some of you may already know him already. Now you might be thinking this is a good opportunity to pick a fight and settle some scores. Well don't. You'll be outnumbered out there. If you want to get back to your cozy beds in one piece, you'll need to cooperate. Teamwork. Think of it as a good bonding experience. And a chance to make yourselves not look like a bunch of raving lunatics too dangerous to let loose. That about wraps up this briefing. Prepare to move out at 9AM, two days from now. Sarah, you can cut the feed now. Sarah? Dammit, I'll do it myself.

[Click.]

Ladies, Gentleman. If you're new here, the name's CJ, I'm the RP Manager for your enclosure. A few months ago I mentioned you'd all be going on special, one-of-a-kind missions. Well, that day is today. Rather, today is a few days before that day. Right now you're probably all wondering, "Hey, where'd the last two days go? Where's my weekend? You bastards stole my weekend! I'll kill you all!"

Well, the sad news is, that's just life for you. One day you're planning to spend the weekend with your secretary, the next day, your boss is breathing down your neck to finish up your next project. Just be glad you didn't remember the weekend. Honestly, you don't want to know. Really, not kidding. You're better off this way.

Now, moving ahead, I'll direct your attention here. These are some new jobs that need doing and you people are the ones we want doing them. No, they aren't going anywhere, but you will be if you sign up. Archaeology and taxidermy. Two careers I bet you never thought would mean a damn in the real world.

More importantly, we need you to sign up for important missions. These aren't your run-of-the-mill jobs. This is the dangerous stuff. The kind that gets your blood pumping. Not for the faint of heart or the keen of mind. There's a good chance you might die out there. But my people say there's a good chance you won't, either. If these missions are pulled off successfully, everyone wins. If they don't, then you'll have the week off until you come back to life. Head over here and put your name in if you've got the balls to be a hero. I can't promise you'll be taken. Our Shift Researchers will do a compatibility check to see if you're safe to go out there. What does that involve? Hell if I know. Sometimes I think they're just rolling dice to see who goes.

One final note, before I go. I've had people in the other enclosures asking, "Hey there, what if we want a different reward? Special Shift for my house? Swell. But what about something a little more personal?" Well here's my answer: Shifting your body is reckless, dangerous, and absolutely stupid. But damn if it doesn't get results. Most of the Malnosso will tell you that these things are best left to temporary experiments. I'm here to tell you that science is about risks and damn the consequences. You want something special done? Talk to me and we'll come up with a price. I'll be damned if I don't like to do a little haggling.

That's all for now.

-CJ
Resident Perceptions Manager

[[OOC Note: For the second link to the Unique Missions, you need to reply to the mission of your choice with your character, indicating what role they are volunteering for. You may only volunteer ONE character for a mission, but you can choose multiple roles, so long as they are qualified. It may help to note your character's qualifications for that position, so please don't just pick something they are unsuited for. There will be opportunities for more missions in the future!

All comments on the mission post will be screened. Before the mission starts, we'll randomly select a team and make the results known to those selected. We'll have more details for the more technical details in a later mod post where you'll be able to ask questions there.]]

Welcome ladies, gentlemen, to the Malnosso Assigment and Reward Center. That stands for MARS. Center may not start with an S, but it damn well should, once you sound it out. The Luceti program, that's you lot, was set up to include the best of the best. Heroes, geniuses, and all you other people. Special's the word the people in charge like to use. Me? Call me C.J. I'm the R.P. Manager for the Malnosso. That's 'Resident Perceptions' for those of you wondering. My job is to make life for you lot better than it has been. I won't lie, there's been a little mismanagement in the past and some hurt feelings. So have an olive branch or two. Hell, I'll even send you an olive tree if it will make you feel better.

Now, hold your place in the book. Now flip to the back. [This will be found in the back of the book.] That's right, those are the assignments we've got for you. My buddy Bil- that's Cathy for you people, gave a little hint about this earlier. We're late. Ran into some issues. Had to fire most of the senior staff. But we've worked out all the kinks, set up the delivery system, and MARS is ready to go

Almost ready to go. Fact of the matter is, this is only an announcement. You can sign up to your heart's content, but the missions won't start until November 1st. Ran into a time conflict with the science team. Damn eyeglass wearing bastards think they run this place. So, those of you still feeling sane enough by next week, be sure to join the program. You'll find it worth it, trust me. I'm a businessman. Helping people help me help you is all part of the system.

Oh, by the way. If any of you folks happened to come across some moon rocks somewhere, somewhere or other, be sure to keep them handy. I might have a use for them.

-CJ
Resident Perceptions Manager

[[Note: All messages from CJ will be delivered in a typed format. He won't do voice messages. He also will not do any filtered messages. Any filtered messages to him will automatically be opened. This post is also BACKDATED to 8AM this morning!]]
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